Getting a taste of (the) game

illustration

To say that I’ve been living among gamers and game developers is kind of understatement. I’ve been sharing a bed with one! Hahaha. But I have never been a gamer myself.

So, since I put some distant with the Algostudio due to my own activities, I dunno anything about the process and progress of Startup Panic, the newest game that is due mid-2019, next year. The team have been buckling down so tenaciously hard the past two years on the art, game play, and content. Back and fro they hired people online to proofread, rewrite, and proofread them all iteratively. All without me involved. Language should be my forte, but I have nothing to do with it.

So, earlier this month, I tried to take a peek on it. I don’t play a game, in a literal sense. I realize if i want to get my hands dirty, I have to play it. So i did try. But I played it not to have fun, i use a fine tooth comb scrutiny for minute detail of language error (well, later on you will still find some here and there, mind you), so i didnt get the gist of its fun. I’m still no gamer myself at this point.

That, until yesterday, knowing that I’m a very partial about it and the closest i was to play any is Tetris, my husband enticed me with a similar one on Switch, Tricky Tower. And I’ve been hooked ever since. (I’m warding myself against impending addiction, mind you.) This might be my game-gate, just like watermelon is my fruit-gate.

Oh well.

Another new year resolution

credit: photo-k, Fotolia

I’m not that kind of person who is so dedicated in fulfilling any new year resolution. But at the end of many years and I looked back, I always notice that I completed most of the list I made the year prior. That’s gotta be something.

So, this time around, I really wanna make another list for next year.

1. Losing weight. And all in all having a good and healthy lifestyle. I’m not that ambitious, so I think 5kg less is good enough for me. (I’m now 60kg, 155cm. So not ideal. Damn compulsive eating.)

2. Completing my dissertation proposal, that means chapter 1,2,&3 of the full dissertation in the first semester and data collection and analysis in the second semester. Also, the written and oral compre test in the second semester.

3. We’ve been having a plan to live abroad for a while now. So, hopefully we will be able to do that somewhen between March – June.

4. We’re no longer having Omah Putri this year, but we’re building a villa in Batu. It’s still under construction, so probably not this year, but next year, but I’m gonna manage it so very well.

5. Scopus indexed journal publication. At least Q3 one.

6. 3 product launches. Hopefully at least one of them could hit the mark. Amin.

So, I’m gonna be visiting this post sometime next year and hopefully most of the list could be crossed off.

The Fickleness of Human Heart

Last semester was one of the hardest so far. I felt like I’d been (academically) bullied. So much that not only was i demotivated in doing anything academic, I’d also traipsed back down into the same depressive lane all over again. And for someone with depression and anxiety issue, it’s kinda hard to get back up in situation like that. (No, I wouldn’t bore you with all the detail of my mental problem right now. That’s not the point of this writing, anyway.)

For every ‘perceived’ failure, I would really really hate myself. And I hate to hate myself. So I counted all the ways he had broken me over and over and I said to myself that it was okay to hate him for that, instead. And I did that, hating him. Hatred is not the answer to anything, I know, but I needed to build that first mental defense mechanism, right?

For sometimes, it worked. It desensitized me, it dulled my sensitivity to every ‘attack’ and the feeling of being never good enough, never adequate, never belong.

I counted all the ways that made him a bad person. and I could breath easy.

THAT, until a friend shared a story of how he is currently living with a (hotheaded) wife he couldn’t really talk to, his two children are thousand miles away, he’s nearing a retirement age and is having all the symptoms of post-power syndrome, how he was so happy with a childlike excitement, joyful to have a get together with us at the end of the semester, how… how seemed to be very lonely he was.

That made him almost… human to me.

I can’t hate a person like that. No.

And I hate that.

Jalan Kaki di Kota

Semenjak ada taksi online (Gojek dan Grab), kami jadi malas bawa mobil sendiri kemana-mana. Nyetirnya capek, susah cari parkir, belum lagi segala macam drama di jalan raya. Selain mudah dan jangkauannya luas, pakai taksi online juga lumayan lebih murah lah.

Tapi ada ga enaknya juga ya, kita ga begitu leluasa kalau mau ke beberapa tujuan sekaligus, apalagi yang jaraknya nanggung. Jadi kemarin kami dari Library Cafe di jalan Baluran, mau ke Javanine resto di ujung jalan Pahlawan Trip. Ga jauh sih, 1.5km-an, lumayan juga kalau jalan kaki. Tapi kemudian kita memutuskan, yuk deh jalan aja sekali-kali.

Buat Anda yang di luar negeri, silakan ngece, anggap kami lemah… hahahaha, karena memang sekarang ini di kota-kota besar di Indo, sudah ga ramah banget sama pejalan kaki. Dari keseluruhan kota, jalan yang ada trotoarnya bisa diitung. Semua habis dipakai untuk kendaraan. Makanya, orang juga malas jalan kaki, kan? Bahkan di desa pun, kalau mau ke ujung gang, lebih baik mereka naik motor. Budaya jalan kaki itu beneran tidak digalakkan.

So, waktu kemarin kita jalan kaki itu… semacam nemu revelation, how fun and new it was to just walk around the town (how sad, yah… hahaha). Apalagi di cuaca Malang sehabis hujan ya,… wah… adem dan seger banget.

So, kapan-kapan kita mau gitu lagi deh.

Failing a CPNS Test and the future of my teaching ‘career’

So, this is the end of this year’s journey of trying to become a civil servant. I’ve passed the administrative selection and failed in the standard competence test. The test consisted of civics, general intelligence, and personality sections. Guess what? I failed in the personality one! That is so absurd. :))

I am sad, of course, but that is already predicted. I could blame the exorbitant passing grade, the construct validity or reliability, or the absurd reasoning behind it or whatever, the fact remains: I fail, some of my colleagues succeed.

It does not matter, though. I could still teach without being a civil servant, right?

Or can I?

Actually the idea behind joining the test had never crossed my mind before. My passion is in teaching. I did not really care about career and all the perks of being a contract or a tenure-track lecturer (like, scholarship or research funding.) I pay for my own tuition and I could write and conduct any research without the burden of answering to any institution. My responsibility is to my research and the academic community and that’s it. You can say that i have a commitment issue or what but staying ‘freelance’ affords me the kind of freedom the contract/tenure lecturers don’t have.

Until last semester. I almost didn’t get any class because the contract lecturers had to meet class quota, hence got prioritized, and i should step aside and give all my classes to them away. I was almost out of job and was already on my way to apply to other unis, until the head of the department stepped in and vetoed the policy. I needed to be given a class no matter what just so I could stay working there.

So, there was a little bit friction in the department and I thought I couldn’t be so selfish and stay there without willing to step up and sign the contract. I could no longer just do as I wish, come teaching and then go home. I needed to also be involved in the academic and non-academic duties like the others. I needed to decide, all or nothing, it’s a do or die matter.

And so I did decide.

I did all the procedures of becoming a contract lecturer: apply, interview, micro-teaching, etc. That was when I thought: if I have to commit myself to any institution (pun intended), I might as well get the better deal and be in a tenure track and eat the tax-payer’s money while doing the thing I love, right? That is the idea behind joining the CPNS test. Turns out I’m not even qualified for it, personality-wise. Hahahahahahahaha…

Okay.

From the look of it, 90% chance I’m still gonna be a contract lecturer. It’s been drafted but I haven’t signed the paper. But there’s that 10% of me not staying in the uni. I love teaching and so I will put myself in the job market still. If worse comes to worst, then I will finish my PhD, call it taking a sabbatical leave just so I will not feel as sad (hahahaha), and write.

Oh, and there’s also Algostudio and Algorocks. And we’ve been thinking about having Algopub as well.

So, it’s not that bad, after all.